The first thing I did during my week of no small talk and more meaningful conversations was I did away with senseless conversations and tried to either steer the conversations deeper, or avoided them all together.
I talked to one of my co-workers at lunch. We didn't talk about the weather or work related topics, I got to know her a little better as a person. I learned that she grew up on a cattle ranch in Driggs, Idaho. She told me she loves to play in the snow and she is sad that she didn't really get to play in it this year, because it was a lousy year for snow. Growing up, she would make mazes in her backyard with all the snow, and she remembers the walls of the maze were as tall as she was. That isn't too hard to do when your a child and less than four feet tall. She loves chocolate milk, and her life is her Grandkids. She has seven Grandkids all under the age of nine, and they all live close to her, so she gets to see them often.
Overall the week went well. I had less awkward conversations about nothing, and more meaningful conversations.
ORIGINAL POST...
I am an introvert in every meaning of the word. I prefer intimate settings over large (and loud) groups, I have only a few close friends at a time, and I prefer staying in and having a relaxing evening. I do occasionally go outside my introvert bubble. I've been to NBA games, company parties, dances, amusement parks, and so on... I even worked retail.
I do not feel that being an introvert is debilitating, but I know that I occasionally miss out on opportunities. I'm not afraid to go somewhere that involves being with a large group or somewhere that has a million things going on, but I know that in those moments I need something that will lessen my anxieties. As with all introverts, I feel more comfortable if I have a friend with me, or I know where the exits are, and sometimes I will show up late so I don't have to stick around for too long. I am not trying to be rude in these kind of moments, I just need to get back to something a little more quiet so I can recharge my introvert battery.
Although I am an introvert, I still crave interaction with others. I just crave it differently. I crave meaningful relationships and meaningful conversations. This is why I dislike small talk. Small talk is a superficial means of communication. The following is a passage about small talk explained by a blog dedicated to introverts.
"Unfortunately, our culture has deemed small talk a social necessity. Wikepedia even went so far as to describe it as a “social lubricant”, which makes it sound a whole lot more fun than it actually is.
Small talk is meant to be light and fun. It flees from depth and meaning. Personal questions are considered inappropriate. Likewise, any emotion besides happy or neutral is discouraged. Consequently, authenticity dies on the vine.
The truth is that small talk allows two people to have an entire conversation without really getting to know each other.
Instead of being light and fun, the conversation is flat and boring. It is like a game of chess where both players always know each other’s next move. It is a predictable exchange with predictable results.
For introverts, it is one of those annoying hurdles we must cross to get to the good stuff. We indulge in it hoping that we will meet someone who hates this formality as much as we do.
We wait for that brave soul who asks inappropriate questions and laughs at all the wrong times. We cling to the hope that our path will collide with someone who is unapologetically authentic. We are ever in search of people who crave depth over breadth."
Click here for complete article
I do not dislike people. I dislike small talk because it is the social equivalent of spinning your tires. as stated "Small talk allows two people to have an entire conversation without really getting to know each other." The meaningful conversation, the getting to know someone; does not happen with small talk.
This idea leads me to a personal challenge. Over the coarse of the week I am going to attempt to engage in more meaningful conversations. This could be when I am running errands, it could be at work, at church, with family and/or friends. The reason for doing this is so I get out of my comfort zone and get to know the people I come in contact with. I want to have authentic conversations that aren't predictable. I will do a follow-up post giving an account of what happened; until then wish me luck.
Oh and to the introverts out there reading this, please join me in this challenge. I would love to hear about your experiences.
Also, this is a phenomenal TED Talk on introverts. check it out.
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